My female lover is stunning, smart and considerate; other than the sex life, all of our connection is actually wonderful. Although when we possess sex, really satisfying and fulfilling, personally i think under great pressure as her sex drive is substantially higher than mine. I stress that my dulled need comes from my insufficient control in our union. My personal reticence when you look at the room triggers the woman immense distress and helps make me feel terrible. This woman is my first same-sex partner.
Perhaps you are right-about requiring more control in your sex-life, so why not take steps for doing that? You seem to be harbouring resentment about the instability of energy inside commitment, so tell your lover precisely how you’re feeling.
Ask the woman to offer a chance to begin sex and get a prominent character should you desire. Should you develop an erotic knowledge that turns you on and put it into training, you’ll likely think it is is actually exciting on her behalf as well. When you have undoubtedly come to be caught in a dull schedule, use your creativeness to get out from it.
Prioritise your own time together and make sure that exhaustion and work tension you should never sabotage it. There’s a lot of possible reasons for reduced need, some of which are biological (such as for instance hormonal changes), very have a medical check-up. Psychological factors feature unexpressed outrage, shame and despair – many lesbians and wealthy senior gay men struggle with internalised homophobia. The coming- out procedure is not easy and may even end up being inside your need, so if the diminished sexual desire persists, seek advice from an experienced intercourse therapist.
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Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a medical psychologist and psychotherapist whom specialises for sexual conditions.